They see you. You know it, and you rush down the street and around the corner. And right into a dead end! You can hear them, shuffling, mumbling drunkenly, wet colour dripping off their hair and splashing  by their feet. They corner you. You scream, explaining in panic you’re not ready to play yet. They take no heed, and take aim.

To avoid any unforeseen moments of coloured madness, here is a Holi Survival Guide to help you get through the day unscathed.


Evacuate and Relocate

Fighting Holi zombies by yourself can be extremely dangerous without any water balloons. Gather your family and personal items and leave the area with haste. Do not try and defend any building and do not carry too many possessions.

Relocate to a more easily defendable area and perhaps raid a toy store for water guns if you can.

Do Not Engage

At any cost, do not engage with any zombies! Remember white clothing and expressions of dismay are big triggers for Holi zombies, and you best be running if you have donned either of those. Do not put your family at risk; if you have been coloured then stay away from their safe zone.



If escaping the area is impossible and you have to control the Walking Red, we suggest using bhang. This liquid-based tool is the perfect weapon in your arsenal to disarm and distract the zombie horde. A few glasses and you can safely slip away.

Paddling Pools

The strategic placement of kiddie paddling pools can drastically increase your chances of not being coloured. A zombie covered in rainbow colours from head to toe won’t be able to resist wrestling another zombie into that pool. Buckets of coloured water placed at confusing intervals will also distract said zombies.


The Hose

There are multiple ways to disperse the drunken, colourful zombies you once called friends huddled around in your garden. The most lethal of these is the hose. Find the right water pressure, and hold your aim under the pressure of their glares and they’ll be gone before you know it.

The Cab

The swiftest and least troublesome method to disperse the herd is via technology. Whip out your phone and begin calling a series of cabs. Before long you’ll have a begrudging line of colourful cadavers cramming into cabs.

Remember not to incinerate the remaining zombies, wait for a designated pick up crew {or their families} to come get them.

Featured image courtesy Steven Gerner

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