So there I was, dear lovestruck reader, hopefully swiping right every now and then, and earnestly making conversation with the nice ones. Once in a while, these conversations turn into dates. Now, while I’m not stereotyping, there are some common types one comes across when dating in Bangalore. 

Here, for your pleasure, are…

My five first dates, in clickbait

1: These two people met on a date. What happened next will blow your mind

That is, the dude talked my ear off.

I’ll politely ask a question, and then they’ll respond with a long-winded answer, afraid to stop talking for even a second should there be silence. The sad part is that often they’re extremely interesting! And quite intelligent. But seriously: don’t you need to pause? To breathe? Hell, to catch a sip of your beer?

2: Here’s where I become an extrovert, just to pick up some of the conversational slack

Or: when both of us are insufferably shy. Where do you look when you drink your beer?

3: This dude came with fifty first questions and forgot to answer any. #3 is hilarious

“Tell me about you…I’d love to hear your story. Enough about me – oh you know, the usual, parents forced me to go to IIT, then I quit and travelled the world, and now have a startup – but you seem so interesting, tell me your story.”  

This always makes me immediately shrink back a little {and vain enough to take the compliment}, I’ll usually recover enough to provide a quick summary of myself, the only kind I can bear to give.

4. Tinder is for dating, so how did this girl become a tour guide?  

Of course, this is a category that can overlap with several others. This is usually the least creepy of the lot, in my experience at least. I’ve met cute exchange students, visiting researchers, and writers; at the very least, you get to show them around your city and play tour guide.

5. They just met for a quick cup of coffee. So why did this guy assume they were hooking up?  

This one has taken for granted that merely agreeing to meetup makes you available right away. “So…Your place?” within the hour. ALERT! This suggests a serious error in my algorithm, in my weeding-out techniques. I’m not above saying “sorry – work call” and hightailing it.

But the best kind {maybe}

Of course, maybe the best kind is the real-life meetcute.

You know the kind: you’re both just doing your thing. Maybe you’re struggling to open the door to your office while simultaneously holding a laptop and a steaming cup of coffee. Cute Person gallantly notices, rushes off their workstation, and to your rescue.

Thank god for self-locking doors: setting up meetcutes since forever.  Bless self-locking doors. There’s a time and place for meetcutes, though: I wish people hadn’t thought it fit to ask me out while we were sharing an elevator {this just happened once, but that’s one time too many}.

Post-meeting

I know the world has all these rules about how it isn’t chill to double-text {or, shudder, triple-text}. But I have zero chill. If I like you, it will show. You will know. Oh, trust me.

Next time: Dating while broke.