My Coworker Liked Me On A Dating App What Do I Do?

It can be quiet a shock to see your coworker's name pop up on your dating app's likes section. And there are two approaches you can take here.

1. If you know you are not interested in this person or a relationship outside the bounds of the professional one with anyone at work, then the solution is simple. You ignore the like and treating it like any other profile you are not interested in. If the other person never brings it up, which is the most likely outcome, you can both go about your life and pretend it never happened. On the other hand, if they do choose the uncomfortable path of bringing it up, draw a clear boundary. Tell them you are not interested and that you would like to not talk about it anymore. If the problem persists and makes you uncomfortable, you are within your rights to escalate to HR. 

2. If you do think that this is something you would like to pursue, we would suggest you think about it and sit with for a while until you are absolutely sure that it is worth it. Basically, weight the risks very carefully. And if after that you want to send a like back, here are the things you should consider. 

Workplace relationships are not uncommon. With how much time we spend in the office, it can be natural to have a crush on someone you work with. But the rules are different in a professional setting and it is important to find out what the rules are at your company. Here's usually what HR policies will say: 

1. Most companies do not ban all workplace relationships, they do have conditions. Employee handbooks will state that any fraternising between direct or indirect dotted line employees or supervisor/supervisee or members of the same team is frowned upon and can be grounds for termination or migration to a different team. 

2. All HR policies will need you to disclose your relationship. So if you think this is something that is going to stick, then we recommend that you do it, to avoid any future complications. 

Under no circumstance should you consider getting involved with your immediate or indirect manager or with someone who reports to you. Not only can this get extremely messy for everyone involved, it can also lead to an unconscious bias and cause you to unfairly favour and/or be harsh on the person you are involved with. Even though it would be two consenting adults, it is best to avoid getting involved where power dynamics might come into play. Another thing to avoid would be dating someone on the same team, no matter how well you think you can balance the two equations, it is bound to effect at least one, either the professional or the personal, and in the worst-case scenario, both. 

Once you have weighed the risks, the next question to ask yourself is whether you'll be able to separate the private from the professional. A good way to know this is to look at your friendships at work. How easy it for you to switch between friend and colleague/reportee/manager? If an honest look at this tells you that you would be able to handle it, then go for it. Especially if you followed our previous point of not getting involved with anyone on your team, since that should take away most of the possible points of friction. But even then, remember that it is a place of work and there are boundaries to be maintained. And these should be drawn clearly between you and them. 

And that’s all for this month’s gyaan! Send me your questions here, and I’ll answer them in next month's column anonymously, so your thought spiral can stay our little secret.