I Am Getting Too Attached To My Work Bestie. What Should I Do?

Like most things in life, this too does not have an easy answer. And involves a bit of sitting on your bed, no Netflix, just you and your thoughts. And so that you come to the right conclusion, here’s a checklist of things you can keep in mind to figure out whether your coworker is actually a really cool person you vibe with, or if you’re, you know, trying to fill a gaping void in your life with their company.

⃞   Do you have common interests? 

⃞   Is communication easy, fair, and open with them? 

⃞   Do they have empathy? 

⃞   Do they make you laugh? 

⃞   Are they trustworthy? 

⃞ Are they generally professional when tackling work duties?

⃞   Am I capable of spending time alone? 

⃞   Do I have other friends I can lean on? 

⃞   Am I making this person my primary emotional support? 

⃞   Can I separate the personal from the professional? 

⃞   Have I answered all the above questions truthfully?

If you think the vibes are immaculate between you and this person, and you are, in fact, not forcing something that wouldn’t have naturally happened anyway, then, congratulations! You have done the impossible adult task of making a new friend! 

Being attached to someone is not necessarily a bad thing, no matter what podcast bros on Instagram tell you. But to make sure this attachment stays healthy and doesn’t become like a Joe Goldberg situation, it's important to communicate to them that you like your relationship with them and treasure it. This can look like anything—from actually saying the words to just going on like you didn’t have a thought spiral about them, because sometimes, thought spirals are just that, spirals. 

Make sure you have clear boundaries. And I cannot stress this enough. If you don’t want to hang out with them on a particular day, make sure you tell them that. If you’re uncomfortable with discussing certain topics, make sure they know. If you think they don’t take your professional feedback seriously, make sure you have a conversation about it with them. Set clear boundaries. And respect their boundaries.

If after that checklist you feel like you may have overestimated how much you wanted this person in your life, and would like to now quietly make a grateful exit, that too is possible. In most cases, the building isn’t on fire yet and you don’t need to run. You can choose to slow-fade them, just keep your interaction limited to work and the general banter that comes with it. Make yourself unavailable for and do not initiate one-on-one outside-of-work plans. There is such a thing as ‘quiet quitting’ a relationship, and in the initial stages, it can be no harm, no foul. But if you both have gotten attached, and now you feel the need to pull away, have an honest conversation with them about it. Tell them you respect them and love working with them, but that’s the extent of your wants from them. There might be an initial period of awkwardness, but, soon, as two mature adults, you’ll find your new rhythm.

And that’s all for this month’s gyaan! Send me your questions here, and I’ll answer them in next month's column anonymously, so your thought spiral can stay our little secret.